Friendship is one of the most complex aspects of human life. At first glance, it seems simple—companionship, shared interests, mutual affection.

In today’s world, social media has transformed friendships into often shallow interactions. Though we’re more digitally connected, loneliness persists.

Studies have shown a decline in close friendships, and personal experiences—including betrayals in online relationships—reveal how we sometimes mistake enemies for friends and vice versa.

Through our life experience, we notice that friendship is far more layered. Reflecting on Augustine’s journey, I am struck by how friendship can either become a dangerous distraction from God or draw us closer to Him.

For Christians, friendship isn’t just a luxury—it’s vital to spiritual growth.

Just as King David recalled earlier fathers in trusting God for deliverance amid tough situations (Ps. 22:4), learning from early Church Fathers like St. Augustine can shed light on how to navigate friendships wisely.

Being influenced by classical ideas of friendship which emphasize mutual affection, utility, pleasure, and good virtue, Augustine loved his friends deeply. Yet, he also saw how friendships could become destructive. He recounted stealing pears with friends—not out of desire for the fruit, but for the thrill of sinning together.

Another example is his close friend Alypius, who was lured into enjoying violent spectacles, losing his moral footing through peer influence. Both of them had the desire to be accepted, even for the wrong reasons.

Peer pressure isn’t just for Augustine—it also subtly shapes us.

Augustine’s reflection reveals a sobering truth: friendships can lead us to astray. The people we trust the most can steer us into sinful actions.

Even worse, these enjoyable moments with friends often come naturally, and by the time we realize it, we have been drawn away from God, and even damage our relationship with God. However, Augustine didn’t abandon friendship.

Through the influence of Ambrose, whom Augustine considered him as a spiritual leader, sort of a pastor in our era, he came to understand that there are friends who brought him closer to God, leading one another toward holiness. Friendship is not merely emotional support or shared goals but a spiritual one.

Augustine realized two distinct kinds of friends: those who pull us away from God and those who help us grow closer to Him.

Eventually he concluded that true friends are united not only by shared interests but by a common faith and love for God. Christian friendship, unlike worldly friendship, centers on God’s love, made real through Jesus’ sacrificial friendship with us.

True friends are those joined together in Christ, loving both God and neighbor, and bound by the Holy Spirit.

Friend, if you are not a Christian, I hope that this article makes you see that friendship is a pointer to an even greater love: the love that Jesus showed to you when He laid down his life two thousand years ago (John 15:13). Join us in becoming Jesus’ friends and our true friends.

Friends, if you are Christians, I hope that this article reminds you of what Jesus has done to befriend us. Be careful with friends who draw us further from God. Be thankful for true friends who not only love us but also remind us to get closer to God. And rest in God for your heart to rest.

For us specifically who are in Bethany International Church Melbourne, may in the Year of Harvest, we may become friends who bring others closer to God.

Friends, till Jesus comes again, may we thank Jesus that our walls cannot reach to Heaven and that through Christ and friendship is a glimpse of Heaven is ours today.

Suggested further readings:

1. Augustine. Confessions. Translated by Henry Chadwick. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2008.
2. DuPriest, Travis. “Friendship: A Way Towards Christian Unity.” Currents in Theology and Mission 12, no. 2 (1985): 108-111.
3. McLaughlin, Rebecca. No Greater Love. Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2023.